You’ve got a lot on your plate. I know that. Everyone’s on your case, asking why you don’t have a girlfriend, asking what you’re going to study, asking why you’re still living at home, asking where you’ll move after graduation, asking if you’re going to keep managing the front desk at the gym forever. Everyone has an idea about what you should be doing with your life - except you. And that can feel like a lot to handle sometimes. I’ve been there - I get it.
I’ve been thinking about what would help you and I’ve decided that you need someone to relate to you and to understand instead of constantly berating you for not having things figured out. I think Greg Gaines from Me, Earl, and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews might get it to some extent. He’s trying so hard to fit in, but his mom is pressuring him to befriend this sick girl and then there’s school to keep up on and college to figure out….it’s a lot. And Cath from Rainbow Rowell’s Fangirl understands trying to strike out on your own and how lonely and confusing that can be. She’s not much like you, but I think she gets having a tough first year of college and it might be good for the two of you to commiserate together. And I can’t forget Ed Kennedy (I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusack), who desperately wants the girl, but can’t get motivated to make anything happen anywhere in his life - he’s got a dead-end job and a tiny group of friends that he can’t break away from, but that hold him back more than he knows. Sounds a bit like you.
I hope they help you. But either way, I’ve got something else that might be of assistance. Here’s that CD I’ve been promising you for ages. Let me know how everything goes. And good luck.